"Where Do Broken Hearts Go?" by Sharipep


"I love you, Brender, " Jax whispers softly in her ear. He wrapped his arms around her from the back and Brenda sighed with happiness.
"This feels so good, Jax," Brenda stared straight ahead. In a few minutes she would be marrying Jax for good. They would be spending the rest of their lives together. They would have children and grandchildren together. So why did she feel like she wanted to throw up? Maybe it was because of her final showdown with Sonny the other day. She thought back, she remembered.......
~*Flashback*~

"What do you mean, its over, Brenda?" Sonny looked really confused.'" I mean that Jax and I are getting married tomorrow. We are flying to New Orleans and we are going to get married during sunset. On the shore."
"OH......thats right.So, let me guess Brenda. You are marrying him because I am too dangerous, right? Big bad me. And I bet after you get married Jax will tell you to stay away from me because I am bad, being the mobster. Did you know that the man that you are about to marry threatened to kill me and Jason? I believe it was three times that he said that," Sonny was overly bitter.

Brenda was shaking her head in disbelief. " I can't BELIEVE you!! Just who the HELL do you think you are? Jax threatened to kill you, huh? WHY? why would he do that?"
"Why not?" Sonny questioned.
"Because he knows I would beat the crap out of him if he did, thats why. But Jax has no reason to do that because he knows its over between us."
" If its so over, than look me directly into the eye and tell me you don't love me."
Brenda had stared him down, but it was no use. He had her cornered. Brenda felt tears form in her eyes then and even now as she thought about it. But instead of giving in to the man that she knew she loved with all of her heart, she simply said:
"I have to go."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~

'Are you ready?"
"Huh? What?"
"Brenda, are you ready? The minister is waiting."
"Yes," Brenda put on her best smile as she stepped befor the minister. She clasped the flowers tightly as the minister began. Jax read his vows, but Brenda heard none of it. She was too busy staring out to sea, wishing Jax were Sonny, wishing she could start anew. But instead, she was marrying another.
"Brenda, do you take Jax to be your lawfully wedded husband? Will you honor him, love him, keep yourself only unto him for as long as you both shall live?"
"I......do...."Brenda whispered, looking up at Jax with regret. But Jax saw none of it. He mistook the look of longing for another man as a look of joy and happiness. He beamed at her.
"By the power vested in me by the state of Louisiana, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Jax, you may kiss your bride."
Jax took Brenda in his arms and Brenda started to sob. Jax, yet again, mistook the tears as a sign of happiness. But all the while, Brenda kept thinking quietly to herself:
"Lord, what have I done?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Mike stared at his son, who was sitting at a table in Luke's, about to pay his bills.
Sonny looked so tired and sad, and Mike wished he could help. But he knew the last thing that Sonny wanted was pity or sympathy.
"Brenda outta be getting back from her honeymoon right about know, don't cha think?"
Sonny ignored his father and began writing a check to the phone company.
"Its OK to be hurting, son, " Mike sat across from Sonny and stared at him, looking deep into his face, but it was no use. Sonny was a closed book.

Just then, Robin and Jason walked in, laughing hysterrically.
"Hey Mike, Sonny," Robin said brightly.
"Hey, Robin!" Sonny smiled for the first time in weeks, it seemed, and ran over to give her a hug." So, uh, how are things?"
"Things? Well, lets see." Robin sat down at the table where Sonny was sitting and Sonny removed all the papers.
"You know.....The college life, the grades, the pills. things like that, "Sonny glided in quickly.
Robin laughed. "I'm fine, I had an oppointment with my doctor before Jason came to get me and she said everything was fine. She wanted to check my blood level and things like that, but then decided to hold off for a couple of weeks. She thinks its too early for any BIG change. As for college, I had midterms all last week and up till yesterday. My grades are fine, all A's so far."
Sonny smiled, "Good. Keep up the good work and don't forget to call me if anything happens."
"Of course. Now I gotta call people to tell them I'm here. Can I use the phone?"
"Sure, go to the office and you'll have more privacy."
"Thanks," Robin smiled.
Jason came over and sat down, Mike poured them all a drink.
"She looks good, " Sonnysaid, taking a sip.
'Yeah, the doctor told her to take it easy, she has already had a few side effects."
"Did she take her pills?"
Before Jason could answer, the public line to Luke's rang. Mike answer it:"
Luke's, Mike here.......Sonny, its Brenda."
Surprise registered on Sonny's face as he got up and went over to the phone.
"Yeah?"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Brenda paced back and forth on the bridge, thinking up the right words to say to Sonny when she saw him.
"Hey."
Brenda turned and her heart melted at the sight of Sonny. He looked so gorgeous all though he always looked that way. She forced a smile and walked up to him slowly,
"Hi."
"Nice honeymoon?"
"Don't do this Sonny...."
"Don't do what, Brenda? I mean why would you even be here? Don't I put you in danger? Don't I frighten you? Me being the big bad mobster and all."
His cruelty and bitterness brought tears to my eyes.
"Why did you call me here?" Sonny demanded. Brenda started to sob, but Sonny just stood back and watched. He had no expression on his face, no emotion.
"I...I...called you here be-be-because I don't know things anymore. I don't know whe-where the 'mobster' ends and you start. I don't know whats real anymore. I-I do love Jax, Sonny, I love him with all my heart. Bu-bu-but lately all I ever do is think about you-about us.......and I-I- I wonder what could have been. We meant so much to ea-each other and now that its over......what do we do? Do we.......do we stay away from each other because it hurts to much to be together and not be 'together' or do we.....or do we try to be the best of friends? I love you, still, but i will stay with Jax. I ha-I have to to make things work."
Brenda took a deep breath and said what she had rehearsed for days. She looked into Sonny's eyes and searched for some sign of pain, or hurt, or anger, anything to show that he was HUMAN, but Sonny just stared at Brenda with a pain so deep it took his breath away. It was spoken not with his eyes, but with his heart.

In that blinding instant, they both knew that they had no future together. Brenda had to go where she was safest.....where she was loved and where she could get everything her heart had ever desired. And wherever that was, with whomever it was with, it was not Sonny or his lifestyle. Both Sonny and Brenda stood on Port Charles Bridge, with out words or gestures, just pure heartache and pain. What else was there to live for?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Brenda sat in bed, waiting for Jax to come home from his business trip. He was due home any minute. Brenda sighed as she imagined what her children would look like. Blond, blue eyed....just like their daddy. But when she imagined her family, a picture of Sonny filled her head. She couldn't make it go away, it was there to haunt her. She saw him laughing, yelling, smiling, and even crying in her head. And all those things had been with her. He had laughed with her, he had smiled with her, he had yelled at her, and he had cried in her arms after Lily died. They had been through so much.......and yet they were still apart of each other. Brenda could no longer deny the love she felt for Sonny. But love was not enough. Sonny didn't trust her or keep her safe half of the time and Jax does both. I know i did the right thing,
Brenda convinced herself. And with that she drifted off to sleep.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Brenda poured herself a glass of orange juice.
"Where were you, honey?" Brenda asked Jax over the phone, " I thought you were coming home last night, but you never did."
"I'm sorry, love, but I have to stay for another few days. You understand, right?"
"Yeah, sure, I understand. I love you."
"I love you, too, love, bye."
Brenda slammed down the phone. How dare he??? It was but three days after the honeymoon and already he had flown off to LA on business. She had wanted to go with him but he had insisted that she stay in PC because she was going to be working on a new ad campaign with Lucy.
Brenda walked into the bedroom and got dressed, just as she was about to leave the penthouse, the phone rings.
"Lo? "
"Brenda, hi, this is Lucy."
"Hi Lucy, I'm just on my way down," Brenda gushed.
"Oh, do you mind if I change locations?"
"Of the meeting? No, not really. Where do you want to meet?"
Brenda could hear Lucy say to someone else, "No! Not there! Over there, yes.
Perfect....huh? What did you say, Brenda?"
"Where do you want to meet?"
"Luke's, I am helping Luke and Mike set up for the AIDS Awarness Charity Fund tomorrow......Luke, oh God, no, no, no, no, no! On the side of the stage. Thats good, oh great. So can you come?"
Brenda wasn't sure, she didn't want to run into Sonny after yesterdays debate, but she didn't want to hang around the penthouse alone all day either.

"Sure, sure Luc, I'll come."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Brenda sat in Luke's across from Lucy and they planned out the next photo shoot for Lucy's newest invention: Intrige, her newest fragrence for Jax Cosmetics. Brenda looked around for Sonny, but he wasn't there. She didn't know whether to feel relived or disapointed.
"Now I was thinking, maybe, you being shown with half a face or something. I mean what does Intrige remind you of? Lonely, mysterious, secretive, yet passionate, exciting, and dangerous. What do you think? Where should we hold it? I mean someplace thats............"
Brenda stared at Sonny as he strolled into Luke's. He didn't notice her though because he and Lucy were sitting at the table next to the door, and Sonny had his back to Brenda.
"Hey, Luke. How are the decorations going?" Brenda didn't wan him to notice but just then, Lucy says, "Hi Sonny, do you like the decorations?"

Sonny turns and the expression on his face is unreadable. He blinks and then goes over to them.
"Hey, Lucy. They're looking good." He never took his eyes off Brenda, "Hello......Mrs. Jacks."
Brenda blinks in surprise and knows Sonny said that on purpose. "Mr. Corinthos."

Lucy was quietly observing the two of them. "Hey, why are you too being so polite?...............Ohhhhhh, um, if its none of my business, than tell me to butt out, but why are you two-"
"Butt out, " Sonny and Brenda said in unison.
"Well, my my. It must be serious then. Brenda, I really should finish the decorations for the charity ball thing....um.....if you'll excuse me."
Lucy gets up and heads over to wear Luke and Mike are trying to put lights on the stage.
Brenda gets up and forces a smile. "Well, I better be getting home. My husband is waiting for me."
"I wouldn't want to keep you from him," Sonny comments sarcastically. Brenda looks up and can't believe how cold Sonny is being. About to confront him, she opens her mouth to speak when the phone rings. Sonny answers, 'Luke's. Corinthos here."

Brenda watches his expression. "WHAT???" Sonny yells. Brenda's eyes become wide.
"Yeah, yeah, I'll be there in 15 minutes."
"What? What is it?" Brenda could tell by Sonny's stricken expression that something was wrong. DEAD wrong.
"Its Robin. She was taken to GH because she had some kind side effect. They're checking her out right now."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Brenda, Sonny, Mac, Felisha, Luke, Jason, Lucy, and Ned were all crowded in the waiting room of GH waiting for news from Alan or Monica about Robin's condition. brenda sat on the couch, and she stared at Sonny, whose expression was once again, blank.
She knew how much Robin meant to him and Sonny had lost so many people that he loved already in his life: Lily, his baby, Mike, Stone, herself, and maybe even Robin.
Sonny was basically all alone.

Just then, Alan and Monica came out, their expressions grim." She isn't doing so well. Her temperature is 104.5 and rising and her blood pressure has risen dramatically, also. It's not looking too good. I'm sorry, but we think she has finally recived the AIDS virus." Alan looked heart broken to deliver that news, but it was all part of the package. He had to deliver news like that almost everyday.

Brenda had to cover a sob. " Can we see her?"
"One at a time, " Monica said, "she is very sick."
Jason went first. Brenda looked intensly at Sonny and she knew, she just knew in that instant that she had made a mistake. She knew that she loved Sonny with all of her heart andthat she was only in love with the "fantasy" with the "idea" of Jax. But Jax could never have her heart, not like Sonny had it atleast. She knew she had made a mistake.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Robin progressed at first, and they were thinking about sending her home. They did, and that is when Robin slipped into a coma. Brenda went to see her everyday. Jax was constantly away on business, and night after night she became lonely, yearning not for Jax, but for Sonny. They canceled the AIDS Awareness Ball at Luke's because Robin was supposed to host, and it seems that everyone in Port Charles put their lives on hold for Robin, to make sure she would pull through. But still, the knowledge that she had one of the most deadly viruses known to man, Robin was a fighter. She fought for nearly 3 months in and out of a coma, but then she died.

Brenda was about to head in for the night when she got the phone call from Mac. She burst into tears the second that she picked up the phone, just knowing that it was about Robin and that it was not good. She really needed Jax that night, but he had just left for a confrence in Denver and would not be back for atleast 3 days.

The funeral was lovely. Robin had wanted to be creamated, so the did and they spread her ashes with Stone. Off of the PC Bridge. There was not a dry eye in all of Port Charles as Mac and Jason spread her ashes. Brenda sobbed and sobbed, she couldn't help herself. She didn't care who saw her all she cared about was that one of her best friends was dead and nothing would bring her back.

Sonny got home from Robins funeral and he just sat on his couch, staring out of the window. Robin was gone. For good. Just like Lily, his baby, Stone and now Brenda.
He was all alone. And the tears that Sonny had been fighting for almost all his life spiled ou tof his eyes and onto his cheeks. Life had lost all of its meaning. Sonny just sat there on the couch, sobbing.

He had no idea how long he had been there before there was a knock at the door. Slowly, numbly, without bothering to wipe away his tears, he opened the door. Brenda.

"I need you, " Brenda whispered.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Please don't turn me away, Sonny. Jax is at a conference and I am so lonely and I need you to just hold me. Please."

Sonny let Brenda in and then closed the door. Brenda took off her coat and turned to Sonny who just enveloped her in his arms. Together, they sobbed and cried all the heartache that had been coming their way out.

Brenda woke up in Sonny's arms the next morning and felt truly, TRULY happy. Happier than she had ever felt in her entire life. Though Robin was gone, she knew that she was finally doing something right, that FINALLY she was forgetting what she thought she could fix and was remembering what she knew she could fix.

"Brenda......why are you here?" Sonny asked, "I know you said that you needed me, but what about 'safety' and 'resposibitities'. "

"I just realized that I was in love with the idea of Jax, not the whole picture. I wanted you, but i wanted Jax's lifestyle. But I know what it is like to live in your world Sonny. I hate it, I'll tell you that, but that is no reason to not want to be with you. the fact is I love you, I always have, I always will, and I think that I was expecting to much from you. Honey, I only want what you can only give."

"You sure?"

"I love you."

'I love you, too, baby. Come on, lets get some breakfast."

"As long as it is NOT yogurt and bananas, " Brenda smiled a Sonny led her into the kitchen, "then I'm game."

After a delicious breakfast, the two proceeded on to making the most passionate, beautiful love known to mankind in celebration of their reunion. From now on, they have only the future, and they were looking forward to what it had in store for them, and what they could do TOGETHER.

~*~*The End*~*~


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