Where do we go from here? by Kitty


~*~Chapter One~*~Shadows of the Past

Brenda sat down abruptly in a big arm chair. She sighed heavily and smiled.
She looked around at her new surroundings and was overwhelmed with a wonderful
sense of independance. For the first time she was truly living for herself and only herself,
and she loved the feeling of doing things for herself and being on her own. A year ago
she wouldn’t have thought that way, but after it was forced upon her she learned to live
with it, and now enjoyed the fact of being free from a relationship. She frowned in slight
sadness as she recalled the events of last year.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Jax paced around the penthouse in anger. He was hurt and furious at what Brenda
had done. He knew that she made love to Sonny in the cave becasue she felt she was
going to die, and he tried to accept and understand it, but he was quickly beginning to
realize that the cave was not goodbye for Sonny and Brenda, but that Brenda was still as
confused as she had ever been. He was angry for having been made a fool of. She had
gone gallavanting around with Sonny making him believe that she loved him, and then
she would come back home to him and confess her devotion. She was making fools out
of both of them. And Jax was not going to be made a idiot any longer. He went to pour
himself a drink when Brenda walked inside.

Jax looked at her spitefully as she walked in. She looked at him and smiled, but
her attempts at cheerfulness were met with coldness. She realized that he must already
know what she came here to do. Someone must have told him that she had decided to
leave him for Sonny. But how? She had told no one of her plans. She hadn’t even
realized she was going to go back to Sonny until last night when she was lying in bed and
realized that she could never love Jax the way he deserved to be loved. She could never
love Jax like she loved Sonny. It wasn’t fair for her to lead him on anymore, she knew
she had to tell him the truth. She knew that it would hurt him, but in the long run it
would be for the best.

Jax: So what do I owe the pleasure of this visit. Did you need a pep talk, some
reassurance on some matter or another? He clapped his hands together in a mocking
fashion as if he and Brenda were two girls settling in for a gossip session. The his face
once again grew cold and distant. “What are you doing here Brenda? I didn’t call you,
nor do I see any reason for you to be here.”

Brenda: Jax, I just needed to talk to you about some things. But I would like you
to be serious and not so cold and sarcastic. What is wrong with you today?

Jax: I don’t know. MAybe I just woke up. Maybe I am just sick and tired of
being played for the blundering fool you must think I am.

Brenda: Jax, I don’t know what you’re talking aobut. I’m not trying to play you
for anything. I just wanted to talk. Did I do something to hurt you, please tell me what I
did.

Jax: half laughing at her comment. “What did you do wrong? hmmm, let me try
and narrow it down for you. Let’s see. First of all you go traipsing around with the mad
mobster making a fool out of me, or should I bring up the fact that you left me to go find
yourself. Or maybe the case that you slept with Sonny in the caves. Does that qualify?”

Brenda: stepping back in surprise at the fact that Jax knew what happened in the
caves. “ How, how did you find out about what happened between me and Sonny?”

Jax: Well it’s a small town, things spread quickly. What does it matter how I
found out. What matters is the fact that it happned and you didn’t tell me. Jax’s voice
grew softer as he looked down at Brenda with sadness. “You could have told me Brenda.
We could have gotten past it, we could have worked something out.” His coldness
returned and he looked at her with contempt. “But instead you chose to lie and lead me
to believe that everything was the same when you knew full well that it wasn’t”

Brenda: She wiped the tears that had rolled down her cheek away and trued to
reason with him. “But, Jax you don’t understand. I was afraid of hurting you, and you
have to believe me, hurting you was the last thing I ever wanted to do. Please, you have
to believe that.”

Jax: Looking at her with astonishment at the fact that she was actually trying to
make sense out of what she did under the pretense of not hurting him. He could not
believe that she had the nerve to so this. He had had enough of it, and he didn’t want her
in his house any more and he didn’t want her to be in his presence now or ever again. He
never thought it possible, but at this moment he actually despised her. He was saddened
by the fact that he felt that way, that it had come down to this, but he had had all he could
take. “Brenda. I am going to try and be as polite as possible about this, but don’t think I
don’t mean what I say when I tell you to get out of here.”

Brenda: Looking him in complete shock. She couldn’t believe he was actually
doing this. “You, You’re throwing me out?”

Jax: Trying to stay calm. “No, I am asking you as nicely as I can to leave, but if I
have to I will call security if you don’t leave now.”

Brenda: In defeat, she knew that she could at least keep her dignity. “No, I’ll
leave on my own. She looked around at the penthouse one last time and went to the
door.

Jax: Can I have my key please? Brenda reached in her purse and took the key to
the penthouse off of her keychain. She handed it to him. “Thank you Brenda.” And
with that she turned and closed the door to the penthouse, and her life with Jax....forever.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Brenda sat in the chair sadly recalling that particular memory, and saddened by
the fact that their last encounter with Jax had not been pleasant. Then she recalled a far
more unpleasant encounter that she had had later that night........

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Brenda, looking defeated and sad walked off the elevator on Sonny’ floor. Her
meeting with Jax had gone nothing like she had planned it to. She knew that while she
was not or never was in love with Jax, she did love him like the wonderful friend he was
to her, and was unhappy that her and Jax would not remain friends. She stood at the door
to the penthouse and paused before ringing the doorbell. She then rang the doorbell and
a few moments later Sonny answered the door. He smiled at the sight of her, but his
smile faded when he saw that she had been crying.

Sonny: His face filled with concern. “Whats wrong sweetheart?” He opened the
door wider and stepped out of the way so Brenda could come in. She walked in and went
to the couch and sat down. Sonny closed the door behind her and walked over and sat
beside her. “What happened?”

Brenda: Her eyes welling up with tears again. “I went over to Jax to talk to
him.....Sonny he was so cold and cruel to me. Somehow he found out what happened
between you and me in the cave and he told me basically that he never wanted to see me
again.”

Sonny looked at her trying to think of something to say but nothing came to mind.
He wasn’t sure if she was upset that Jax hated her, or by the fact that she had hurt him.

Sonny: I’m sorry Brenda. I know that hurting Jax was something that you never
intended to do, but I think I the end it is for the best.

Brenda: For the best?! Sonny he threw me out of my own house, my own
husband wants nothing more to do with-

Sonny: “You still think of Jax as your husband?” Amazed by the fact that after all
this time she still thought of Jax as her husband. Had nothing changed. HE thought that
Brenda may have been here because she had told Jax it was over because she realized she
wanted to be with him. “Why exactly did you come here? Was it so you could have a
shoulder to cry on? OR did you want me to go tell Jax why he should give you another
chance?”

Brenda: Was realizing that things weren’t going well with Sonny either so she
figured she should just tell him why she was here. “No, Sonny I came here because I
want to...I want to try and start over again. I know now that it is you I love, it’s you I
want to be with.

Sonny was so angry. He could not believe that she was actually doing this, he
never thought that it was possible.

Sonny: I cannot believe that you are doing this. You get rejected from Jax and
the first thing you do is come over here and tell me you want to be with me again. I can’t
believe you Brenda.

Brenda: What? No Sonny you don’t understand. I’m not, let me explain-

Sonny: “Explain what Brenda?! Huh? That you can’t have Jax so you might as
well settle for me?” He stood up and walked over to his desk. “I’m not gonna be
anyones second choice. Don’t expect me to be your backup. You can’t have Jax so now
you come to me. No, no, no. It doesn’t work that way Brenda, and don’t expect me to
accept the fact that I’m second in your heart. Because I won’t.”

Brenda: She was crying now, trying to explain that he was wrong. “No Sonny,
you’re not second in my heart. you never have been Sonny, you. you’re not
understanding what I am trying to tell you.”

Sonny: “No, I understand perfectly what you’re trying to tell me. You are trying
to convince me of something that just isn’t so. Brenda.......I love you, more than I have
ever loved anyone, but I will not take second place in your heart.”

Brenda: Sobbing, trying to explain to him. “But you’re not Sonny, I love you
more than anyone, and I want to be with you. First and forever.....

Sonny: “I wish more than anything I could believe that......But, I-I just
can’t............”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

She had hurt them both so much. And she couldn’t blame wither of them for
shutting her out. In the past year she had tried not to think of either Sonny or Jax, but she
couldn’t help but think of them sometimes. She would remember Jax’s devoted love and
friendship. But mostly she thought of Sonny. And how much she loved him, then and
still. She knew she had hurt him but she wasn’t sure how to make it up to him, so she
just resolved herself to the sad fact that her and Sonny were truly through. The fact had
gotten easier to deal with though in the past year. She had moved to New York City and
did some modeling there. She made some casual acquaintances, and had a few dated, but
in her year away from Port Charles she mostly worked on herself. She had started seeing
a therapist there and she had helped her out alot. Then a few months ago Lucy called
begging her to come back because Jax cosmetics sales had taken a downfall since she
had departed and Lucy desperately wanted her to come back. She felt she had grown
enough to be able to come back and be able to face Jax, and most of all Sonny without
crumbling. She knew she could finally move on......Or so she thought.



~*~Chapter two~*~ We Meet Again

Sonny slowly opened his eyes. The second he allowed himself to focus he felt
like his head was going to explode. He knew he shouldn’t have drank so much last night,
and he told himself the last time that that was the last time it would happen, but it wasn’t.
This had become a regular occurance for him this past year. He would go to Luke’s some
nights but not all because Mike and Luke might be concerned if they saw him going to
Luke’s every night getting drunk, so he would go someplace different. Last night he went
up to Rochester on buisness and came across a little blues joint and that was where he
had gotten drunk. It seemed that getting drunk was the only thing he could do to get her
out of his mind. It would help then, but then morning came and she was right back in
his mind where she always was, and no amount of liquor could erase Brenda from his
mind. How did she do this to him? He had never let any other woman get to him like
this. He was always in control of his emotions, until he met Brenda, and then everything
he thought he could control about his feelings went out the window, and he was in love.
And it was wonderful when it was good and the the lowest when it was bad. Brenda had
been gone a year and he still couldn’t get over her no matter how hard he tried. She was
always there. Trying to push her out of his mind he rolled over to the other side of the
bed to get dressed when he rolled over on a lump under his covers.

Woman: “Hey, whats goin on?” SHe pulled the covers off of her and looked at
Sonny and smiled. “Hey sleepy head, how are you this morning?”

Sonny looked at the woman with confusion. Who was this? He had no
recollection of coming up to his room with someone, but it looked like that was the case.
This had never happened to him before. No matter how bad things had gotten he had
never brought a total stranger to his room. He had slept with a total stranger. How crazy
was he? He knew how dangerous this was. He immidiately thought of Stone, and how
dissapointed he must be in him. He knew nothing about this woman, but he was drunk
when he brought her up and knew that when he had been drinking he never thought of
any risks. He knew that it had to stop.

Sonny: “Good Morning.........” Trying to remember her name.

Woman: “Cynthia.” She looked at him in amazement. “After everything we
have been through you don’t remember my name. You told me that I was special, and
you were gonna take me to Paris, and we were gonna go see that bug tower thing.”

Sonny: “What” Jumping out of bed and getting his clothes from the heap on the
floor and putting them on. After he was dressed he turned back to the bed and looked at
her. “Look.......Cynthia, I had alot to drink last night and whatever I might have said I
probably wasn’t serious. And...I’m sorry if I led you on to believe something, but-”

Cynthia: Sitting up in the bed with the covers around her. “No, I understand.
You were lonely and didn’t want to be alone so you made alot of false promises just to
get someone in the sac, and that “lucky” girl got to be me. Wow I feel so honored.”

Sonny: Look, I said I was sorry and I really am but-

Cynthia: I don’t care. I don’t want any sorry explanation, I jsut want you out of
my room! Now!”

Sonny got his jacket from the chair, put it on and walked out of the room. He
stood outside of the door. He was totally amazed at what happened. And he was positive
that it wouldn’t happen again. And it wasn’t one of those false promises that he had
made to himself so many times before. He was going to move on. Once and for all
without Brenda, and he knew he coud do it. He walked over to the elevator and hit the
down button. The door opened and he walked to the elevator with a smile on his face.
He knew he could forget Brenda. Especially since she wasn’t in Port Charles
anymore.....at least thats what he thought.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Brenda walked out of the bathroom. She had on a bathrobe and a towell over her
head. She walked over to her closet and pulled out a short sleeveless red summer dress.
She looked at the dress and then went to the closet and tried to find some shoes that
would look good with the dress. She found some brown heeled sandals and pulled them
out of the closet and set them on the bed with her dress. She picked up the dress and
walked into the bathroom to dry her hair and change. After about a half an hour passed
she came out of the bathroom with her hair pulled bak in a french twist and she went and
sat on the bed and out on her shoes. She was going to meet robin for lunch and talk
about everything that happened in the past year. She knew that the subject if Sonny was
going to come up, and she prepared herself for the fact that he had probably moved on
with his life and had someone new. She told herself that would be alright. She hadn’t
expected Sonny to wait for her, but it would still be hard if he had actually found
someone else. She shruuged the thought off. Afterall she told herself that she was over
Sonny and it didn’t matter if he was married. She had moved on and it didn’t matter.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Robin was sitting at the bar at the OutBack. Brenda should be here to meet her
for lunch any minute. She had so much to tell her. While Brenda had been gone she had
managed to visit her a few times, but they weren’t able to have the long talks like they
used to. Robin had known that Brenda was going to be coming back for about a month
now. But she still hadn’t gotten around to telling Sonny about it. She wasn’t sure how
he would react. He had become so closed off this past year. Gine was the open Sonny
that she had loved. Yes he was still open an homest with her, but he had once again
allowed himself to be closed off from other people, and the cold distant Sonny of the past
had come back once again. Robin new that he still loved Brenda, but he had tried so hard
to cut his feelings for her off, and when she was even mentioned he would go stiff, and
his eyes would grow cold and far away. Robin was afraid of how he might treat Brenda.
Adn she knew that Brenda had gotten so much stronger the psat year, but she was afraid
that Brenda might not be able to handle the way Sonny was now. He wasn’t the person
she had known. Her thought were interrupted by brenda who squealed her name when
she saw Robin.

Brenda: “Robin!” She ran down the step and her and Robin tightly hugged
eachother. “How are you, god I’ve missed you so much.”

Robin: “Me too, it’s been so boring here without you.” They pulled away from
eachother. “I love your dress Bren.”

Brenda: “Thanks, I just got it the other day, and it was so nice out I thought it
would be a good day to wear it, but look at you. You are so pretty Robin, and you let
your hair grow out.”

Robin: “Yeah, but I think I might cut it again. i don’t know.”

Brenda: “Either way it will look beautiful. Let’s go sit down theres so much I
want to know.”

Robin and Brenda went and sat down at a nearby table.

Brenda: “So anything interesting happen in Port Charles while I’ve been gone?”

Robin: “Geez, where to I start. First of all Carly got pregnant. And they thought
it was Tony’s baby, and they were going to get married, but then AJ remembered that he
and Carly had slept together, see they had a one night stand when they were both drunk,
and Carly remembered this but she didn’t tell AJ or Tony. Then she ended up pregnant
and told Tony it was his baby, and he proposed. So they were all ready to get married
when AJ told Tony about his and Carly night together, and since it was around the time
of conception Tony made Carly take a paternity test, and guess who the father was.”

Brenda: “Oh my god Carly had AJ’s baby? What happened, did her and AJ get
together?”

Robin: “Well the Quartermaine’s basically forced AJ to marry Carly so the baby
would be a Quartermaine. First neither of them wanted to get married, but they did, and
eventually they did fall in love.”

Brenda: “Wow, that’s unblieveable.”

Robin: “Wait, it gets better. Not only did Carly find out that she was having AJ’s
baby, that also got Tony and Bobbie back together. See after Bobbie found out that
Stefan was cheating on her with Katherine she left him, and eventually after Tony
dumped Carly they got back together. Then Carly dropped a real bomb.”

Brenda: leaned closer to Robin waiting to hear what she said next. “What?”

Robin: “Carly told Bobbie that she was her daughter. Bobbie had given a baby
girl up for adoption when she was 16, and turns out it was Carly.”

Brenda: “Oh my, god I’ve missed everything exciting.”

Robin: “I haven’t even told you half of the things that happened yet.”

Brenda: “What else is there?”

Robin: “Well, Luke and Laura practically split when he found out something
wlse about her time in Greece wen she was held captive by the Cassidines. Well turns
out that Nikolas wasn’t Stefan’s older brothers son, but it was actually Stefan’s baby.
And when Luke found that out he lost it. Well they worked it out, and Nikolas is starting
to get closer to Laura, but his relationship with Stefan has practically been destroyed, and
Katherine, who was seeing Stefan ended their relationship when she found out about it.
And now Stefan has no one that trusts him anymore, just Alexis.”

Brenda: “Alexis, she was seeing Ned ntil Lois came back and they got back
together, is she seeing anyone now?”

Robin: Shifting uncomfortably in her seat. “Well.....she is kind of seeing....”

Brenda: “Who?”

Robin: “Well she is dating...Jax.”

Brenda: “Jax?! wow, when did that happen?”

Robin: “Just a few months ago......does that upset you?”

Brenda: “No, Jax and I are through. I’ve known that for a long time now. Even
before I left. I’m just glad he has someone now, and that he’s happy. He deserves that.
Robin:: “I’m so glad you said that. I was worried how you would react to the fact
that Jax is seeing someone else.” Robin wa sonly hoping she wa over Sonny too. She
didn’t want Brenda having any false hope that her and Sonny may have a future together.
Because even though Sonny hadn’t been seeing anyone she knew that he didn’t want
anything to do with Brenda anymore. She knew that he still loved her, but he wouldn’t
ever admit it. “Brenda, I’m sorry, but can you excuse me, I need to go to Mac’s pffice
and take some of my medication. I’ll be right back okay?”

Brenda: “Okay.”

Outside of the outback Sonny walked up to the entrance. He had a meeting with
someone there today. He had a strange feeling aobut it though. He had that feeling he
always had when Brenda was around. He knew he was probably making something out
of nothing, so he walked inside. When inside the outback, what he saw infront of him
stopped him dead in his tracks. There she was. He never thought that of all people he
would see her there.

Brenda had a feeling that someone was staring at her, so she turned around and
saw Sonny. She turned back around quickly. She thought she was ready for it but she
wasn’t. She wished that she could just dissapear right this second. She didn’t want to
but something made her turn around again and look back at him. He looked so different.
Not the Sonny she remembered. He looked so distant, and she knew deep down that she
was the cause of it. She tried to smile at him, maybe it would do smething to erase the
coldness, but it didn’t. He just looked at her with a dead expression in his eyes, and
turned around and left. She felt the tears coming to her eyes, and she tried to stop them
but she couldn’t. She had hurt him so much, and now he hated her. She could deal with
him finding someone else and moving on, but the fact that he hated her, or at least she
thought he did, was too much for her to take.

Sonny stood leaning outside of the door. He wasn’t ready for this. He thought he
was ready to move on, but the second he saw her everything that they had came rushing
back to him. But he knew he could never get back what they had ever again. Because he
thought that she didn’t really loe him, but that she loved Jax and only wanted him
because she couldn’t have Jax, and he would not settle for that. Little did he know that
was hardly the case.

~*~Chapter Three~*~Hard Habit to Break

Brenda sat alone at the table. She was shocked by what had just happened or not
happened as was the case. She didn’t expect that kind of coldness from Sonny. He had
been distant, and at times cruel to her, but she had never seen such a dead look in his
eyes. Even when he had been mad at her, she always knew deep down that he still loved
her, but she looked at him now and saw nothing. She hadn’t bothered to wipe the tears
from her face, she didn’t feel them. She felt numb, like every feeling she had ever had
meant nothing now. She had loved and still did love Sonny with all her heart, but the
fact that he felt nothing for her, or at least she thought he felt nothing was too much for
her to handle.

Robin, who had just walked out of Mac’s office saw Brenda at the table looking
devestated, and she immediately knew that she had seen Sonny. She rushed over to the
table and sat beside Brenda.

Robin: “Brenda-”


Brenda: “I wasn’t ready for that” She looked down at her hands as fresh tears
began falling down her face again. “I, I mean I knew that he wsn’t going to just welcome
me back with open arms, but.....Robin he hates me. I know how much I hurt him.....”
She pauses as she wipes the tears from her face. “But I always thought that there would
always be.......something between us. Even if we hated eachother it would be better than
the fact that he doesn’t feel anything for me anymore. Theres, there just isn’t anything
there anymore. His eyes are just, they’re dead to me....he doesn’t feel anything for me
anymore. Not love, not hate...just nothing.”

Robin: Taking Brenda’s hand. “No Brenda, you’re wrong about that. Sonny
does still love you.....he, he’s just closed everything up again. THis past year, without
you he’s become the old closed off Sonny again. And it’s not because he doesn’t care,
it’s because he does care. It’s just that he doesn’t want anyone else to know that he
cares. He doesn’t want anyone to know how much he’s hurting, and the only way he can
do that is to shut off everything. Not just the sadness, but the happiness and the anger.
He isn’t the same as he was.”

Brenda: “And it’s my fault. You know. It isn’t even the fact that he doesn’t care
about me anymore...but the fact that I have made him so closed off from the people that
he loves, and the ones that love him. I’ve taken Sonny away from you all, because it’s
my fault he’s like this now.”

Robin: “Its not your fault Brenda. I know it was never your intention to hurt him.
I know that when you told him yuo wanted to try things again that it wasn’t because Jax
left you, but because you wanted to be with him. I tried explaining that to him, but he
just won’t let himself believe it. I know that you love Sonny, but when you went to him
that night it just came out the wrong way...”

Brenda: “Yes, what i wanted to say came out totally differnt than what actually
came out. And I tried to explain that to him.....but I guess I understand why he hesitated
to believe it when I told him that it was him that I love and not Jax, but it’s still hard.
You know?”

Robin: “I know. But Brenda. Please don’t let yourself belive that this is the
Sonny that we all know. The real Sonny’s still there, it’s just gonna take some time to
find him again.”

Brenda: “I want to believe that....but, it’s just......I’ll try and believe that Robin.
But I just have to get away from this right now. I hope you understand that. i just need
some time to myself right now, I need to....sort things out.” She stood up, and Robin
stood up with her. “I’m just gonna go now, can we have lunch some other time?
Thursday?”

Robin: “Thats perfect, I’ll be here.” Robin and Brenda hug.

Brenda: “Thank you so much Robin.” She pulled away and started to walk out of
the outback. She turned back to Robin. “I’ll see ya later okay?”

Robin: “Sure, Bye Brenda.”

Brenda: “Bye.” She tries to smile convincingly. Brenda turns around and walks
out the door. Once ouside she begins crying once again. She tries to stop herself the best
she can, and walks out of sight.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Sonny feircly opens the door t ohis penthouse and slams the door roughly once he
is inside. He takes off his jacket and throws it on a nearby chair. He rubs his hands on
his head, and walks over to the mini bar and grabs a bottle. He fills it up with scotch,
almost overflowing, and goes to drink it. He was almost ready to drink, but something
stopped him. No, he wasn’t going to resort to this anymore. He had made a promise to
himself, and he wasn’t going to go back on that. He placed the drink down on the table
and walked over to the window. He just stares out the window, looking blankly at a little
fishing boat the tipped back and forth. He was angry, sad, happy, every emotion he could
possibly feel. He was happy to see Brenda, but he was angry that she was back. He was
finally beginning to put the pieces back together, and there she comes right back into his
life to turn things upside down again, he was angry for another reason. He was angry at
himself for turning her away. Ther was a part of him deep down that truly knew that she
loved him, and he was angry that he just couldn’t let himself completely believe that. He
walked over to the chair where he had thorwn his jacket, he picked it up and put it on.
He pucked up the glass and walked opened up the bottle and carefully pured the scotch
back in the bottle. He put the bottle down, and slowly walked toward the door. He
stared at the knob for a moment before opening the door, almost like he was afraid to
walk out the door, afraid to walk out that door to do what he knew he had to. For his
own good he had to face her. It was the only way he would completely be able to move
on. But he was afraid that if he went to her, he wouldn’t be letting go of her, but holding
on just a little bit tighter. But he knew he had to face this, once and for all, and no matter
how it came out.



~*~Chapter Four~*~Where do Broken Hearts Go?


Sonny walked slowly toward the door of Brenda's appartment. He had gotten the adress from Robin. He reached the door and just stood there for what seemed like forever. He lifted his arm up and knocked on the door. There was no answer so he knocked again. He waited for a few minutes before he decided that no one was there. He turned around and walked toward the elevator. He pushed the down button and waited for the door to open. To his shock the person he saw standing before him when the elevator opened was Brenda. He looked at her and could tell that she had been crying, and he knew he was the reason se had been crying. For a moment he looked at her with nothing but complete love in his eyes. For a moment he felt nothing but love for her, no doubts or anger, just love.


Brenda looked at Sonny, and the look in his eyes, and she was completely confused. Here he was looking at her like he still cared, but just an hour before he looked like he hated her, and now.........She didn't know what to make of him anymore.


Brenda: "Sonny, what are you......whats goin on?"


Sonny: "I just came to see you, I, I needed to talk to you."


Brenda: "Well, after what happened at the OutBack I didn't think you ever wanted to see me again.....Sonny you just walked away like I meant nothing to you. Is that how you feel? Is that what you came over here to tell me? Well you don't have to tell me that Sonny because I got your hint!" She walked off the elevator and walked past Sonny and then turned around. "What, did you want to come over here just to make things worst? Just to twist the knife a little more?"


Sonny: "You're accusing me of twisting the knife further?!? I can't believe you Brenda! You are the one that wanted me as a backup because you couldn't have Jax. You are the one that led me on to believe that you loved me, and I dn't have the right to be a little upset that you are back in town without so much as a warning?!"


Brenda: "So what? Now I have to have your permission on where I go? I thought you didn't care what I did anymore, and now you tell me that I have to "warn" you on when I'm coming back to town. Whats with all these rules Sonny?"


Sonny: "Rules!? I was simply suggesting s that you have some courtesy, but I forgot, politeness wasn't one of your strongpoints!"


Brenda: "Why are you here? Was it just to come over and insult me? Well I hate to dissapoint you, but I don't take that anymore"


Sonny: Calming down a little bit. This wasn't coming out how he wanted it to. He didn't want to fight with Brenda anymore. He was only coming over to try and resolve this with her. "Brenda, I didn't come over here to do this. I wanted to come over here and have a peaceful conversation, but I guess thats not possible."


Brenda: "I guess it isn't. I wish it were possible to have a nice conversation about everything, but it's just, you're just confusing me Sonny. First I see you in the OutBack and you just walk out, and then I see you here and you just want to talk. Please tell me Sonny, what exactly is it that you want. Do you want to be friends, or just have nothing to do with me. I mean PortCharles is a small town, and it would be hard to just ignore eachother, but if we try real hard I think we can."


Sonny: "I would really like to be able to be your friend, or at least be civil. I think thats possible. But I think for now, it would just be good if we stay away from eachother. Brenda, we can't even talk to eachother without fighting, and it's not your fault, and it's not mine. It's just the way things worked out. You can't love me the way that I or anyone deserves to be loved, and I have learned to live with that, and I've moved on with my life. I am over it."


Brenda: "Well I'm glad because I got over you along time ago, and I'm just glad that you have moved on. I only came back to PortCharles because Lucy needed me back. I didn't come back to try and start things over with you, and I'm glad thats not what you thought. But anyways, i really have to go. I have to meet Lucy at the Grille tonight, so if you'll excuse me I need to be getting ready. I'll see you around sometime?"


Sonny: "hey, PortCharles is a small town...I'm sure we'll run into eachother sometime." And with that Sonny turned around and walked over to the elevator.


Brenda watched as Sonny got on the elevator and watched as the doors closed. She opened the door to her apartment and when she was in closed it behind her. She smiled sadly. She still had it. She could still lie and actually have someone believe it. Sonny had moved on with his life, so she might as well move on too. She walked over to the window and sat on the chair that was by the wondow and sat down.


~*~I know it's been sometime
But there's something on my mind
You see, I haven't been the same
Since that cold November day....~*~


Sonny walked into the penthouse. He threw his jacket on the chair and went over and stood by the windo, like he had so many times before. To think of the one thing that never left his mind.....Brenda.


~*~We said we needed space
But all we found was an empty place
And the only things I learned
Is that I need you desperately...~*~


Brenda sat out the window, and with fond sadness looked out, recalling the better times that she and Sonny had, and there were so many, she just wished that they could have those back again.


~*~So here I am
And can you please tell me...oh~*~


Sonny walked away from the window and went to his desk. And from deep in his drawer pulled out a picture, a picture of him and Brenda that he had kept all this time....because he still loved her, he never stopped. He looked at the picture and smiled sligtly as he remembered that happy times that had been taken during. He held the picture to his chest and tried to, for a moment at least forget the bad times, and only concentrate on the good times they had had.


~*~Where do broken heart go
Can they find their way home
Back to the open arms
Of a love that waiting there
And if somebody loves you
Won't they always love you
I look in your eyes
And I know that you still care ,for me......~*~


~*~Chapter Five~*~Fantasy and Reality


Lucy sat at a table near the bar of the Port Charles Grille. SHe was there waiting for Brenda who was about 15 minutes late. She looked at her watch impatiently, she had things to do. She had to make sure she was done in time to go to Scott's and see Serena, and then she had to get home to Kevin and the baby. She really hated leaving Dominique at home without her, but Kevin loved the extra time alone that it gave him with her. She smiled as she fondly recalled the events of the past year. She had gotten married and had a baby, and a 6 year old little girl. Yes, Serena wasn't hers, not really, but she was the only mother figure that Serena had ever known, and Scotty thought it would be best for Serena to think of Lucy as her mother. She casually gazed around the grille looking for anyone that she might know. In the corner by the window she saw Alexis and Stefan discussing something, but there was no one else who looked familiar to her.


Lucy: "Oh where is she?!"


Brenda: "Here I am, sorry I'm late." Brenda breezed into the restaurant and smiled as she reached Lucy. "I lost track of time." she sat down in a chair that faced Alexis and Stefan's table. she glanced quickly in that direction and looked at Alexis and Stefan.


Lucy: "Thats alright Brenda. Well, we better get down to buisness. I think it would be our best........


Lucy was still talking, but from Stefan and Alexis's table couldn't be heard. Stefan looked curiously at Brenda sitting at the table. He had never seen this woman before, but was struck by her beauty. He looked back at Alexis.


Stefan: "Alexis, do you know who that woman is sitting with Mrs. Collins?"


Alexis looked behind her and saw Brenda. She felt a little bit threatened by her since she knew that Jax was once in love with her.


Alexis: "Oh, thats Brenda Barrett." She looked back at Brenda and then turned around to Stefan. "Formerly Brenda Jacks, but her and Jax have since parted ways."


Stefan: "Alexis" He looked at her with a slight smile. "Why I wouldn't be sensing a tone of jealousy in your voice would I? I would think you would be secure enough in your relationship with Jax."


Alexis: "I happen to be very secure in my relationship. I'm just surprised to see her back in town. She left when both Jax and Sonny Corinthos basically washed their hands of her."


Stefan: "Sonny Corinthos? Well she certainly has been involved with some very high profile individuals hasn't she?"


Alexis: "Yes. Anyway shouldn't we get down to buisness here?" She was visily annoyed with Stefan for his curiosity with Brenda. She never did understand what it was about that woman that attracted so many men.


Stefan: "Yes of course." He gazed back over at Brenda, and then resumed his concentration into the matter at hand.


Lucy: "So I think that we should have a great big billboard with you, surrounded by all kinds of men, but you will be looking for someone else, and then the slogan can be something like 'Jax for men...she'll only have eyes for you' or something to that effect. And you know it will have to be.................


Brenda wasn't paying attention to Lucy. She had began to retreat into a daydream, the only place she could actually be with Sonny, and be happy........


~*~*~*~Brenda walks into a room that is filled with candles, and flowers. She can't see the floor because there is a fog coming up from the floor, seductively wrapping itself around the furniture. She was wearing a long white satin nightgown. She walked slowly inside the room, and walkes over to a table that has a bottle of champagne on ice, with a bowl of strawberries sitting nearby. She picks up a strawberry and eats it, smiling. She looked around the room, looking for someone, but there was no one to be seen. She walked away from the table to a bed with rose petals sprinkled all around.


Sonny quietly comes into the room, wearing nothing but a robe, and walks up behind her and wraps his arms around her waist. She turns around and looks at him. There are no words, they both smile, as music begins playing in the backround....


~*~You and I must make a pact, we must bring salvation back
Where there is love, I'll be there~*~


She lifts her hand to touch his cheek, and Sonny turns his head and kisses the hand that lay on his cheek. He took her hand and moved it away from his cheek and slowly moved his face to meet hers as they gently kissed. She then put her free arm around as the slowly began to sway to the music.


~*~I'll reach out my hand to you, I'll have faith in all you do
Just call my name and I'll be there~*~


While still kissing, the continue to dance. Sonny begins to kiss her knec. then moving back to her lips. They pull away from eachother for a moment, to almost just breathe eachother in. Sonny takes his hand and cups it under her chin and lifts her face to his to kiss once more.


~*~And oh, I'll be there to comfort you
Build my world of dreams around you, I'm so glad that I found you
I'll be there with a love that's strong
I'll be your strength, I'll keep holding on~*~


Sonny moves his hand to the strap of her gown, and slowly begins to slip it off, as does Brenda with Sonny's robe, they continue to kiss, as the music slowly drowns consumes them.


~*~Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter, togetherness is all I'm after
Whenever you need me, I'll be there
I'll be there to protect you, with an unselfish love I'll respect you
Just call my name and I'll be there~*~


Lucy: "Brenda, Brenda!"


Brenda still in the midst of her fantasy doesn't even hear Lucy.


Lucy: "Earth to Brenda, hey."


Brenda: Snapping back to reality. "What! Oh, Lucy, I'm sorry I was just...I don't know I was thinking about something else."


Lucy: "Well that was obvious. Now would you please just pay attention to me. I know I talk alot, but come on humor me a little bit and listen. I mean I know I tend to ramble on at times, but it's not like I'm not saying anything important, because everything I say has some level of importance. And it's just plain rude to sit and daydream. You know no one has consideration for people these days. You know you go to the store and people aren't freindly and help ou anymore. You have to go ask and then they just go and have that icky attitude, and even if you may have-"


Brenda: "Lucy!"


Lucy: "I'm sorry, you know me. Get on a subject and I'm off. And whats your problem today anyway? Geesh you're so grumpy."


Brenda: "I'm sorry, it's not you Lucy. My first day back in Port Charles wasn't what I thought it was going to be."


Lucy gets a look of sympathy, because she knows that she must have seen Sonny today.


Lucy: "You saw him today didn't you? I was hoping I would be able to talk to you before you saw Sonny again. He's not-"


Brenda: "I know, Robin told me how his attitude has changed this past year. I only wish I would have been more prepared for it y'know?"


Lucy: "Yeah, but hey. At least you got it over with so now it won't be so akward when you see him, since you've already got that first confrontation over with."


Brenda: Getting upset about her conversation with Sonny again. Wiping the tears that she could feel were beginning to fall she picked up her purse. "Um, Lucy is it okay if we talk about this later? I just need to be alone right now. Is that alright?"


Lucy: Standing up with Brenda. "Of course it's okay." She walked over to Brenda at gave her a hug. "You just go home and relax, alright. We can talk about all this buisness stuff later. You go on now."


Brenda: "Okay, I'll see ya later." Brenda turned and headed out the door.


Lucy picked up her purse and walked over to the register to pay her drink.
Stefan and Alexis still sat at the table by the window. Stefan watched curiously as Brenda got up and left. He wondered what had happened to cause her to get so upset. He found himself very intrigued by this woman, and made sure that one of the things on his list was to get to know her better.


~*~Chapter 6~*~Midnight Realizations


Brenda slowly sat up in her bed. It was night and all she could see from her bedroom window were the city lights below. She got out of the bed and put on the robe that lay in the chair beside her bed. She walked over to the window and looked out on the city below. She wasn't really lookng at anything important, just looking. Why was she here? Why did she ever bother coming back? There was nothing for her here, and all she was doing was causing more pain for herself, by being in the same town as Sonny. She knew that she could live without him, but being in the same town with him made things harder. She walked away from the window and went over to the desk and sat down. She reached for the telephone and picked put the reciever. She slowly, and almost nervously began dialing Sonny's phone number. She was suprised that she still remembered it. She was on the last number, and she paused. Why was she calling him? She slammed down the reciever and stood up took off her robe and got back int bed. She layed her head down on the pillow, but she didn't go back to sleep, she just layed there and tried to sort things out, even though she knew it was useless to even try since she already knew what she was trying to figure out. She knew that she still loved him, but the fact that he didn't love her made things hard. Why was she doing this to herself? She had spent a year in therapy trying to learn to live life without a man, and here she was agonizing over Sonny once again. She knew she could live without him, but being back in Port Charles again made her realize that she didn't want to. But it was all she could do, afterall Sonny didn't want her anymore.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~



Sonny sat up in bed in frustration. He couldn't sleep, at least not without being plauged by dreams of Brenda. In his dreams he would be with her, and they would be happy, like they had been before. But then he would always wake up to the reality that she wasn't here, and he wasn't happy. He missed her so much, but he couldn't let himself be with her, before because he didn't believe that it was him that she truly wanted to be with, and now because she was over him. She had moved on, and there was no place in her life for him anymore. She had made that clear to him, but he still couldn't let himself move on. Part of him still hung on to the hope that they would be together once again.


~*~Twenty times I've tried to tell you
Twenty times I've cried alone
Always, I'm surprised how well you cut my feelings to the bone~*~


He got up from his bed and walked over to the window. He looked down over the river, though he couldn't see much. He just looked out into the vast darkness, which had become a metaphor of his life. His life without Brenda had become nothing but a vast darkness. Yeah he went through the motions, but without her they meant nothing.


~*~Don't want to leave you, really
I've invested too much time
To give you up that easy, to the doubts that complicate your mind~*~


Brenda still lay in bed. She still hadn't gone to sleep, she tried but her thought wouldn't allow her any rest. She sat up and threw her pillow, which landed on the floor. She sat no the bed with her head on her knees. This was all to confusing for her, things were so much easier when she was away from Port Charles.


~*~We belong to the light, we belong to the thunder
We belong to the sound of the words we're both falling under
Whatever we deny or embrace, for worse or for better,
We belong, we belong, we belong together.~*~


Sonny walks away from the window to the nightstand and picks up the phone to dial the number that Robin had given him to Brenda's appartment. He punched in the numbers on the phone. The phone rang once, then twice, but he hung up before it could reach a third ring.


~*~Maybe it's a sign of weakness when I don't know what to say
Maybe I just wouldn't know what to do with my strength anyway
Have we become a habit? Do we distort the facts?
Now, there's no looking foward, now there's no turning back~*~


Brenda got up from the bed and ran to the phone. She picked up the phone and called into the speaker a few times, but no one was there. She held the reciever to her ear for a few moments before placing it back down. She reached down and picked up the pillow that lay on the ground beside the desk. SHe held the pillow to her chest and went back to the bed. She lay down and held the pilow close to her, like she wished that it were Sonny that she was holding.


~*~When you say we belong to the light, we belong to the thunder,
We belong to the sound of the words we're both falling under
We belong to the sound of the words we're both falling under
Whatever we deny or embrace, for worse or for better,
We belong, we belong, we belong together.~*~


Sonny rubbed his hands through his hair. He walked back over to the bed and sat down. Why didn't he just talk to her, and tell her what he was feeling? Even if she had rejected him, he still would have told her, and that would have made it easier to move on.


~*~Close your eyes and try to sleep now
Close your eyes and try to dream
We can't begin to know it, how much you really care
I hear your voice inside me, I see your face everywhere~*~


Brenda slowly allowed herself to drift off to sleep. She had been fighting sleep because she knew what would happen if she let herself go to sleep. She would dream of Sonny, but when she woke up he wouldn't be there, and all she would be was alone with nothnig except memories and dreams.


~*~Still you say we belong to the light, we belong to the thunder,
We belong to the soundof the word's we're both falling under
Whatever we deny or embrace, for worse or for better,
We belong, we belong, we belong together.~*~


Sonny layed back down in bed and resolved himself to dreaming of Brenda. Even though he couldn't be with her in reality, he always had dreams, and that was better than nothing.


~*~We belong to the light, we belong to the thunder,
We belong to the sound of the words we're both falling under
Whatever we deny or embrace, for worse or for better,
We Belong, we belong, we belong togther.....~*~


Sonny and Brenda finally allowed themselves to go to sleep with the thought that all they had of eachother was dreams. What they didn't know that was both of them wanted the same thing, but their stubborness wouldn't allow themselves to admit this to eachother. So they resolved themselves to living their fantasies of a life together, through their dreams.


~*~Chapter 7~*~Happy Anniversary


Brenda walked out of the bathroom. She was tired. SHe had hardly gotten any sleep the night before, she was too busy thinking of Sonny to get a good nights rest. She walked over to the desk and picked up her car keys. She was going over too see Ned, Lois, and the baby. She was not looking forward to it though because she knew that Lois would be able to tell what was going on the second that she looked at her. And she knew what she would say. She would tell her that it was time to move on, get over it and start over, and she really didn't want to here that today, but she promised that she would go over there and she wasn't going to break the promise. She tossed the keys in the air and caught them, and then walked out the door.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~



Lois: "Ned. Do you know what today is?"


Ned: "What day is it? Saturday."


Lois: "No, I mean the date." She wsa frustrated. She never thought that Ned would forget such an important day in their lives.


Ned smiled at Lois. He knew what day it was, but he loved making her think thta hw would actually forget that this was their anniversary. He could never forget the most perfect day of his life. The day he pledged his life to Lois meant everything to him, and he would never forget that, how could he?


Ned: "Why, is today somthing important?" He flashed her one of his grins.


Lois laughed and playfully hit him. "You Jerk! Maked me think you forgot our anniversary!


Ned: Taking Lois in his arms. "You know I would never." He lightly kissed her lips. "Ever." He kissed her again. "Forget our wedding day."


Lois: "I know, I was just makin sure. But if you ever were to forget our wedding day you know I would have to leave you."


Ned. Laughing at her comment. "Oh is that so? Well I guess I'll have to make sure I'll never forget. Because I don't know what I would do without you. I've done it twice so far, but I dn't think I could ever go through that again."


Lois: "And you never will have to live without me, or Brooke ever again. I can promise you that."


Ned: "Now thats what I like to here. Now onto more important things."


Lois: "Like what." She smiled broadly at him.


Ned: "Like what? How about celebrating our anniversary" He picked her up, and swung her around." Lois shreiked in surprise, but was soon laughing. She held his face and kissed him. First on his neck, and then slowly moving up to his lips. She looked up for a secind and inthe corner of her eye saw the clock, Brenda was on her way over.


Lois: "But Brenda's supposed to be over in a few minutes."


Ned: "We'll lock the door, and we won't answer. I think brenda will understand." He kissed the top of her head.


Lois: "Oh she will, will she."


Ned: "Well whether she does or not is relative, we just won't answer the door. This is one of the few afternoons we have to ourselves. Brooke is up at the house with Grandmother, and theres no L&B buisness today. This Lois Marie, is our time. And we happen to be wasting precious time talking down here when we should be upstairs celebrating this anniversary the proper way."


Lois: "And how might that be Mr. Ahston?"


Ned whispered something. Lois smiled mischeviously back at Ned.


Lois: "Lead the way nedly." And with that Ned turned around and carried Lois up the stairs, kissing the whole way.......

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~



Brenda walked up the walkway to the gatehouse. She rang the bell. She watied for a few moments, but thre was no answer. She rang again, but there was still no answer. She looked at her watch. She wasn't late. Lois told her to come over, but no one seemed to be there, but then she remembered. It was their anniversary today, and of course they wouldn't ant to be bothered. She chuckled a bit at the thought of what she would be interrupting, but her smile soon faded when she realized that this wasn't just their anniversary, but hers also, and she also remembered that this was the day that Lily died. Two years ago on this day, so many things changed, and they had yet to go back to the wy they were, they probably never would.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~



Sonny walked quietly through the cemetary. He walked past the graves of numerous Port Charles residents that had passed on.. Some he knew, and some he didn't. He finally made it to Lily's grave. He kneeled down and swept some leaves that had collected around the headstone. He touched the headstone, slowly trcing his fingers around the letters of her name. Lily Elaina Corinthos. Corinthos. Yes she was his wife, but not the wife he wanted and he was hardly the husband she deserved. He loved her, like he loved Robin, and Lois. But he didn't love her like a husband should love a wife, though she loved him with all that she had, ad he wondered so many times what he had done to deserve her love. He had done nothing for her, but use her, and the loving things he did for her weren't done out of the wonderful love a husband has for his wife, but the things that a person thinks that a loving husband would do.


Sonny: "Hey Lily. I know it's been awhile since I been here, but you knw. Things happen, take up time, and you don't get to do the things that you want to do. But I know you understand that, you always did. Wow, I can't believe that it's been two years. Two years since you and Micheal Jr, or Maria elena left this world forever. I know I never got a chance to meet the baby, but I knw that he or she is up there in heaven with you right now, and I know that you're taking good care of him. You would've made a wonderful mother, any kid would be lucky to call you mom, and I only wish that they would have been able to, and they would have if I hadn't come into your life and screwed everything up. I took away your chance at happiness, and I am so very sorry for that, and I will continue to be sorry for that until the day I die. I took all the love you gave me, and used it for what I needed, and what did you get in this? You lost your life, cause yoor unworthy husband was, and still is a selfish jerk."


Sonny didn't notice, but Brenda was standing behind a tree a few feet away. She wiped a tear away from her face. She hated seeing Sonny hurt, and she hated to see him beat himself up for something that was really her fault. She stepped to turn around, but stepped on a branch that snapped and caught Sonny's attention. Sonny turned around and saw Brenda standing there watching him. He quickly stood up, and wiped off the front of his shirt. Brenda walked out from behind the tree and went over to him. He looked at her. He knew he shouldn't feel this way, but he was glad that she was here. He needed her right now. But the question was, would he let himself admit that to her?



~*~Chapter Eight~*~Friends?

Sonny stared at Brenda wondering why she was here. How did she know that her being here was exactly what he needed. He didn't know why he needed her, but her being here felt right to him. He felt better with her near him. But there was still so much that he wasn't sure of. He wanted so badly to take her in his arms, hold her and never let her go, but he still wasn't sure where he stood with her. He didn't know if she still loved him, and he didn't want to make a move, and have her reject him. So instead of going with his feelings he put up that familiar wall of his, and played the emotionsless "I don't give a damn" act he did so well.

Sonny: "What are you doing here?"

Brenda: "I was at the gatehouse, and remembered what day it was...Sonny..." She took a deep breath and looked nervously down at her hands before continuing. "Sonny, I am so sorry. More than you'll ever know, standing her, listing to what you were saying made me realize...how selfish I was." She laughed sadly. "and still am."

Sonny: "Wait a second Brenda, what are you trying to say. Look, you already tried to tell me how you feel that what happened to Lily was your fault, but I told you then and I'm telling you now, it's not. I am the reason she isn't here today, and I will have to live with that for the rest of my life."

Brenda: "But it's not just what you did. You weren't leaving town by yourself, you were gonna leave with me. And that wouldn't have even happened if I just would have accepted the fact that you were married, and left you alone." She walked past him, and kept her back towards him. "But instead, I followed you...everywhere, and I never gave you a moments peace, so when you say that it was all your fault I know you're only trying to make me feel better, because it was my fault and you know that!" Sonny couldn't see her face forom where he stood, but if he could he would have seen that she had started to cry. "I am the reason that your wife, and your....baby aren't here anymore."

Sonny took her shoulders and turned her around to face him. He saw her face, and saw how upset she really was, and he didn't care about anything exept her, and how much he loved her. He took her face in his hands and kissed the top of her head. He then looked her right in the eyes, with nothing but love and understanding. He didn't want her thinking she was responsible for Lily's death. No matter if they were together or not, the last thing he wanted to see was Brenda hurting. "Brenda, what happened to Lily was not you fault."

Brenda: "But if you blame yourself then I do have a part in it because I was the reson that you left her. If I would have let you go when I should have, none of this would have happened." She walked away from Sonny, and Sonny held her arm, not letting her leave. He then took her hand and led her to a nearby bench and sat down.

Sonny: "I am the one that made the choice to leave Lily, and no matter what you did to influence my decision, in the end it was me who made the decision. But you know what?"

Brenda: Wiping some of the tears from her face. "What?"

Sonny: "Lately, I've been thinkin alot about everything that happened. And while we may have had our own parts in what happened, in the end, it wasn't us. It was the sick bastard Rivera. He ordered the bomb, and he is the reason why she died. I'm not saying that I had nothing to do with it. I am the reason it went down, but neither me or you made the decision to plant that bomb. Rivera did it, not us, and I don't want you goin around thinking what happened was in any way your fault, because it wasn't." Sonny didn't totally believe what he was telling Brenda. He did believe that Brenda had nothing to do with it, but absolving himself of any wrong doing was hard for him to say, but it seemed to be making Brenda feel better, and anything that did that was fine with him."

Brenda: "You really believe that? You aren't blaming yourself anymore?"

Sonny: "Well y'know, I'm trying. Takin things day by day."

Brenda: "Well I'm glad. The fact that you aren't blaminng youself, or at least trying not to blame yourself anymore helps. If you aren't beating youself up for it anymore, why should I."

Sonny: "Exactly." He smiled at her. He couldn't believe it but they were actually having a nice peaceful conversation. "So, i hope you're feelin a little bit better now."

Brenda: "I am, thanks." She smiled a little bit. "Y'know, I didn't think this would be possible."

Sonny: "What."

Brenda: "Us, having a peaceful conversation. I mean after the other day I didn't think we;d be able to stay in the same room together but now I feel like we're actually friends. I feel like I can just talk to you now...I hope I'm not being presumptuous..I mean-

Sonny: "No, I actually feel the same way."

Brenda: "You do?"

Sonny: "Yeah, I mean we started out as friends, so it only seems right that we start off as friends again....what I mean is just because we can't be together, doesn't mean we can't be friends."

Brenda: "You know you're right."

Sonny: "And that suprises you? You know I'm always right." He smiled, and Brenda playfull hit him, but then she grew a little serious.

Brenda: "Sonny I'm glda we had this talk."

Sonny: "Me too." Sonny glanced at his watch, and remembered that he had to be somewhere, but he really didn't want to go. "Brenda, I really have to go. I have a meeting....but if you don't mind, maybe sometime we could get together...

Brenda: Standing up with Sonny. "Of course. I mean thats what friends do, we can go out to lunch, or something like that. All you have to do is call, but you need my number don't you."

Sonny: Looking a little embarassed. "Well, I already have it."

Brenda: "How? I haven't been here long enough to have it listed."

Sonny: "Well I sorta asked Robin for it the other day. Y'know, just in case it was an emergency."

Brenda: Giggling. "Oh I see." THey both looked at eachother and laughed. "Well you better go Sonny. I don't wanna keep you from your meeting."

Sonny: "Okay." Sonny held out his hand for Brenda. "Talk to ya later.....friend."

Brenda: Taking Sonny''s hands and giving almost a shake of agreement. "Definitely."

Sonny turned and walked away. Brenda sat back down on the bench. She was glad that her and Sonny were able to let their guard down a little, and let themselves be friends, but being friends wasn't all she wanted, but she figured she would take any type of relationship with Sonny over no relationship at all.



~*~Chapter Nine~*~Getting to Know You

Brenda breezed into the OutBack. She had a simle on her face, and she practically skipped down the steps over to Robin at the bar.

Brenda: "Hey Robin!" She sat down on the bar stool, and began playing with a napkin on the counter.

Robin: "Um, Hi Brenda." Robin was curious as to what caused Brenda's complete change of mood. The last time she saw her she was sad, and felt everything was hopeless, but now she seemed like she thought anything was possible. "You sure seem to be in a good mood today."

Brenda giggled a little bit at the thought of why se was in such a good mood. "I am. And why wouldn't I be?"

Robin: "Well it's just that the other day you were so upset. I mean after you saw Sonny here....wait a minute. Does your mood have anything to do with Sonny?"

Brenda: "Maybe." She smiled. Her mood had everything to do with Sonny. Even though they hadn't magically gotten back together, they were friends now, and that was just as important if not more important than being together. "Actually it has alot to do with Sonny. I saw him today. And we had a really nice talk. Well it didn't start out that way but by the time he ad to leave, we actually decided, to be friends."

Robin: "I knew that would happen. All you had to do was give him a little time, and actually it took less tmie than I thought. So, how did this happen? Where were you?"

Brenda's smile faded a little because meeting Sonny at the grave of his dead wife wasn;t the ideal place to have a converstaion about their relationship. "We...we were at the cemetary. I remembered the date...the aniversary of Lily's death, and I felt it was only right for me to pay my respects, and Sonny was there. He was talking, he didn't think anyone was there, and he was telling lily how he was sorry for everything that happened, and he saw me. We talked about Lily, and all that led up to that, and I think we finally made peace with it. then we just started to talk, and joke around, and by the time he left we were talking about having lunch."

Robin: "That's great Brenda, I'm glad everything is working out."

Brenda: "Everything is starting to work out isn't it." She sighed. "I know that me and Sonny could never be together, like we used to again, but I really love being with him, even if all that we are is friends."

Robin: "I'm glad."

Brenda: "Me too" She smiled. "Me too."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Stefan sat at his desk in the hospital. He was reading over some hospital buisness on the computer. He took off his glasses, stood up and walked over to the window. He looked out of the window that had a view of the courtyard, he looked at the small tree that stood in te middle. That was the tree he had planted for Katherin. Katherine. He thought that he loved her, he was sure of it, but when she had ended things with him, and he wasn't upset he knew that it wasn't meant to be. If he had loved her, her leaving would have devestated him, like he was when Lasha left. That was love, what he felt for Laura was stronger than anything that could be put into words. He had always had a bad habit of falling for women that were unattainable, he sometimes felt it was a punishment that he put himself through purposely. Maybe he was one of those people that would sabotage any chance at happiness by only looking for relationships that he knows woll end up hurting him in the end. He had done it before, once with Laura, and with Katherine. He knew deep down that things would never work because of the loyalty he had to his family. He had married Bobbie because in the scheme of things tat was what was best for them all, it was his chance at vengence for all the wrong done to his family by the Luke Spencer. He had even managed to ruin that also. Bobbie found out what he was doing...and she left him, and Katherine. When she found out all that Stefan had done she washed her hands of him as well. He had no one, except Alexis, and even she was drifting from him. She had her life with Jax now, and she didn't have time to play the role of confidante anymore. Then there was Nikolas, that was the hardest truth of all. Nikolas finding out that he was his son, he was devestated, not because he wasn't "The Cassidine" anymore, but the fact that he believed that Stefan didn't claim him as his own because he didn't love him enough. Stefan tried to tell him differently. Nikolas asked him point blank if he loved him, but he couldn't answer. He couldn't tell him that he loved him. He did, more than anything, but he just couldn't say it, he had never been able to say it. He wanted to be able to tell Nikolas, or anyone he cared for that he loved them, but he was never able to get the words out, he felt it would somehow weaken him. Helena had always told him love was for fools, and if he ever uttered those words to anyone he would be less than a man, and no matter how much he tried to disregard what she said, whenever he wanted to tell some one, be it Nikolas, Laura, or even Katherine, Helena's words echoed in the back of his head and he just couldn't. He wished more than anything he could, but he couldn't let himself, he refused to let anyone see his weaknesses, and he had to try now more than ever because he felt himself going, going to that place inside of him where he would let himself fall in love. He felt himself falling in love, or whatever it was that caused him to think of a person constantly, and he had only seen her once, at the Port Charles Grille with Lucy. Yes, he was falling in love with Brenda Barrett, it was like the movies, he had only seen her once, but he pictured everything with her. He imagined a life together with her, their chldren, everything, and yes he did feel like a fool for feeling this way, since it was obvious that she did not feel the same, she didn't even know him. He was torn awy from his thought by a knock on the door.

Stefan: "Come in" His seceratary walked into his office.

Seceratary: "Mr. Cassidine, the papers that you requested have arrived." She handed him the papers.

Stefan: "Thank you." The seceratary walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. Stefan walked back over to his desk and sat down. He picked up his glasses and began reading the papers. They were papers that he requested on Brenda. Yes, he did feel a little guily for looking into her past without her permission, but before he made any kind of move he wanted to know all that he could about her. He looked at the papaers, there was nothing out of the ordinary, she had been in and out of several boarding schools, but from what he had seen of her that wasn't a suprise. He came across a name that made him stop, he looked at it carefull to make sure he had read it right. "Harlan Barrett." That was a name he thought he would never hear anything about again, but it could work to his advantage. He picked up the phone that lay on his edsk and dialed a number. "Alexis....I was just looking over some documents and came across the name of an old friend....Harlan Barrett, you remember him...I need you to locate him for me.."




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