S&B Heartbeat

by Debbie

I'm using the possible drug addiction storyline that Brenda might be in.

Robin is banging on the door of B & J's penthouse at 1:30 in the morning. Jax answers.

J: Thank G*d its you!
R: Where is she, what happened?
J: Brenda has been taking painkillers lately, more than she should, and I called her on it a couple of times. She usually said that it wasnít a problem. Iíve been trying to monitor how many she has been taking without her knowing, by counting her pills. Well, tonight I found her on the couch crying and saying over and over that something is her fault. She wouldnít talk to me. She has taken four of the pain pills Robin. Sheís in the bathroom and wonít let me in. Iím scared. She wonít talk to me.

Robin runs to the bathroom door. She knocks...

R: Brenda?! Brenda what's wrong?! Brenda, open the door!

Brenda yells from inside the bathroom.

B: Robin?! Its all my fault Robin!... Its all my fault!

Both Jax and Robin can hear Brenda crying uncontrollably.

R: Brenda open the door! We'll talk, okay? Please open the door. You're scaring me! (to Jax) Have you tried getting in touch with Lois?

J: Yeah. She is unreachable right now. I think the next stop of the tour is in Texas.

R: How long has she been in there?

J: About an hour. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid she might do something to herself. She won't even talk to me Robin. She just cries.

Robin's eyes plead to Jaxes sensabilities.

R: Jax?!
J: Go get Sonny! Hurry!

Hurt and defeated, Jax sits at the foot of the bathroom door. "Brenda , talk to me!... Please!"

B: It's all my fault Jax! It's all my fault!


Sonny looks at his clock. "Two o'clock in the morning!" He gets out of bed, pulls a shirt on and runs down the stairs in his pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. The doorbell ringing and the knocking getting more and more frantic! "Iím coming, Iím coming!"

R: Open the door Sonny! Its Robin!

He opens the door.

S: Robin, whats...whats wrong? Is it Jason?!
R: No Sonny, its Brenda! She needs you!
S: What happended (a scared look on Sonnys face)? Did Jax do something to her? (he grabs his keys)
R: No, she has locked herself in the bathroom. She has been abusing painkillers Sonny. She's locked herself in the bathroom and won't talk to anyone she just cries. (They rush out of the apartment)


Robin opens the door to the penthouse. "She's in the bathroom." Sonny follows her and finds Jax sitting up against the bathroom door.

J: (standing up) Sonny she won't open the door.

Sonny goes to the door and knocks softly.

S: Brenda? Brenda sweetheart, its Sonny. Open the door.

We see Brenda for the first time sitting against the huge bathtub with her hands around her knees and her head down crying. She looks up when she hears Sonny's voice.

B: Sonny?! Sonny?! Sonny, its all my fault! she cries.
S: Sweetheart, whats your fault? Open the door and talk to me. Tell me what youíre talking about.

We can hear her crying again. Jax is pacing the floor and Robin is watching Sonny.

S: (in a really calm gentle voice) Baby, open the door. And we'll talk, just you and me... Just you and me honey. Open the door.
B: (She looks up and a slight smile comes to her lips) Ju...just you and me?
S: Yes baby, just you and me. Open the door sweetheart. Lets talk okay? Just you and me.

Brenda slowly stands up. "Just you and me?!" she walks over to the door and slowly puts her hand on the doorknob.

As the doorknob turns, Sonny turns to Jax.

S: Call for an ambulance then call Kevin and tell him whats happened.

The door opens about two inches. Brenda, tears streaming down her face, looks at Sonny. "Just you and me, right?"

S: (Sonny smiles, one of those sweet Sonny smiles) Just you and me.

Brenda opens the door for Sonny to come into the bathroom.


Sonny looks at Brenda with nothing but love in his eyes. "Come here." (his arms outstretched for a hug). Brenda walks towards him and crumples into his arms crying. "Sonny, its all my fault!" she says as they sit on the floor against the bathtub. "Its all my fault!" (crying)

S: What baby? Whats your fault?
B: Everything! Lilyís death, your unhappiness, Jaxes unhappiness, everything! Its all my fault!
S: What?! Nothing is your fault! How can you even think that?! Everything is my doing!
B: No, no! If I had just left you alone when you told me to, you would still be married to her. She would still be alive. If I hadnít pushed myself at you, at the cabin, then in the parking lot, you would be happy with her right now.

S: Youíre wrong! Brenda, even if you hadnít done those things it would have still come to the same conclusion. That night I called you to the docks and asked you to run away with me would still have happened. Lily wasnít happy with me. I couldnít give her my heart and my soul because you owned them and she knew it. I would have come for you anyway. It was just a matter of time.
B: (crying) But Sonny, if I hadnít worn the wire in the first place none of this would have happened. None of it! We would still be together.
S: Brenda... honey (he turns to sit in front of her and wipes away her tears). I take full responsibility for that. I should have trusted you. You said over and over that you would stick with me no matter what and I should have believed you. I was hiding things from you, lying to you and constantly putting you in danger without your knowledge. (holding her face in his hands) You had a right to know. I was just scared youíd leave me if you knew about the business. You see...Nothing was your fault.
B: But, I married Jax.
S: (taking his hands off her face, some sadness in his voice) I told you that I needed to stay with Lily because she was having my baby. You had no reason not to go on with your life. I didnít and donít now, expect you to leave Jax for me. I have nothing to give you. Iíve messed with your life enough... I just want you to be happy.

B: Its hard Sonny. So hard (she starts to cry again). Jax is great, but...but, heís not you.

S: (a tear falls from Sonnyís left eye) Is that why the pills?

B: At first my hip was hurting and it dulled the pain. Then I realized it dulled ALL of the pain. It made everything easier to bear. It made seeing and not being able to touch you bearable, it made not being able to sleep next to you bearable, it made watching you hurt bearable. It made everything easier.

We then see Jax sitting outside the bathroom door. He hears everything being said in the bathroom, as does Robin.

R: Jax, lets go to the living room and wait for the ambulance.
J: No Robin, Iím staying here.


S: Sweetheart, you canít keep this up. You have to get help. Baby, you have people who love and worry about you, Robin, Lois, your husband... me. We have to learn to stop looking for blame for things that have happened in our lives. Iíve been working on it, and you have to. Come on, lets go. (he stands up and offers his hand). Brenda takes his hand and stands up. They look at each other as if they are remembering everything theyíve been through. Their love for each other has never wavered, even during the worst of times. Sonny hugs her. He can truly feel her heart beating. He remembers Brenda saying that that meant they belonged together and slowly releases her. "Letsís go."

The ambulance has come. Arm in arm Sonny and Brenda emerge from the bathroom. Jax stands up and hugs Brenda. J: Your alright! Oh Brenda you scared me! I love you. (He then turns to Sonny) Thank you.

Sonny nods. Robin hugs Brenda and then Sonny.

J: Weíve got to take you to the hospital. The ambulance is here. Lets go.
B: (looking up at Jax) Jax, Iíd like Sonny to come.
J: Of course. (looking at Sonny)
S: Iíll follow you.

Sonny closes the door to the penthouse and looks at Robin. His dear friend. "Thank you for getting me."

R: "It was Jax who sent me."


Jax is at the hospital talking to Kevin.

K: We will need to admit her. It might be for a couple of weeks.

Sonny and Robin arrive.

J: Its alright you can talk in front of them. K: I was just telling Jax that I will need to admit Brenda for a couple of weeks. For the first couple of days she shouldnít have any visitors. She will have some sessions with me, you are going to have be involved with some of them Jax.
J: Sure, whatever you need.
R: Can we see her?
K: Yes, but not for long.

Kevin leads them into her room. Brenda is sitting on the bed and a nurse is taking her blood. The nurse leaves. Jax turns to Kevin.

J: "Can I speak with you outside?"
K: Sure.

Robin gives Brenda a quick hug.

R: You take care of yourself, okay? Iíll come to visit you as soon as Kevin says its okay?
B: Okay. Thanks Robin.

Robin looks at Sonny, then Brenda and walks out of the room and closes the door. Brenda gets up from the bed and walks right into Sonnyís arms. They hold each other close for a long time not saying anything. Then Brenda whispers into Sonnyís ear...

B: I have always loved you and I will always love you.

Remembering those exact same words said in a different circumstance...Sonny replies

S: I love you too.

Sonny slowly pulls back from their embrace and walks out of the room. He walks past Jax, Robin, and Kevin. He walks out of the hospital altogether.


Its the day Brenda is to be released from the hospital. Jax has asked to meet with Kevin, without Brenda.

K: So, what would you like to talk about?
J: How strong is Brenda? Is she going to be okay?
K: Sheíll be fine. We wouldnít send her home if she wasnít ready.
J: Well, what if I were to do something that would change her life...

Brenda is packing. Her time in the hospital is over and she is ready to go home. It was nice to be able to talk to someone about her feelings. All of her feelings, including those for Sonny. Kevin is a great guy. No wonder Lucy is so in love with him. Sonnyís visits were brief. He usually came by with Robin then left before Robin left trying to avoid Jax as much as he could.

Jax enters the room.

J: Hi! Ready to go?
B: You bet.
The drive was silent. The silence made Brenda uneasy. Maybe it was because she was nervous. Jax opens the door to the penthouse. The penthouse looked empty. Everything thing that belonged to either of them was gone. The pinball machine, Jaxes books, the yacht Jane had given them. And there were a number of suitcases on the floor next to the door.

B: Jax, are we moving? Why is everything packed?
J: (looking down and beaten) Iím leaving you Brenda.
B: What?! Where are you going? What do you mean youíre leaving me?
J: I mean... we canít do this anymore. I canít make you happy. I know that now. I love you Brenda and I want you to be happy. (he picks up two of the suitcases) Iíll be back later to pick up the rest of my stuff, please donít be here when I get back. (he starts walking to the door)

Brendaís back is towards Jax.

B: But Jax, he wonít take me back.

Jax stops, but doesnít turn to look at her.

J: Good bye Brenda.

The door closes.


Robin and Jason are sitting at the kitchen table reading the funny papers. The doorbell rings. Sonny runs down the stairs to answer it. Jason stands nearby.

S: Iíll get it!

He opens the door and sees Brenda. Sheís holding a suitcase in each hand.

S: Hi. (he looks down at the suitcases) Whats with the bags?

Brenda steps into the apartment and Sonny closes the door.

B: (real quietly) Jax left me. (she puts the suitcases down)

Sonny takes two steps away from her and looks at the floor.

Brenda walks slowly toward Sonny. She puts her hands around him as if he were a treasure of which she would never let go. Sonny doesnít return her embrace.

B: (still holding him) Please donít push me away Sonny. Please donít push me away.

Again, Sonny can feel Brendaís heart beat. The connection. A connection between them so great that trying to break it destroyed lives. His life meant nothing without her. He would die for her. Having her in his life would endanger her. But, as he was slowly realizing, not having her in his life was also endangering her. She needed him, just as he needed her. Being with her would make her happy, just as it would make him happy. He feels her heart beat, "it means we belong together." (he remembers)

B: (she holds him tighter) I love you. (stroking his hair) Donít push me away.

Slowly Sonnyís arms envelop Brenda. He touches her hair. Robin and Jason, who were in the kitchen watching the couple quietly walk around them and out the door. Sonny gives Brenda a tight squeeze.

S: Never again sweetheart. (laughing and crying at the same time) Never again.


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